After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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