I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry my hands just texted you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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