And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
