Just cropdusted the office
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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