you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
