I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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