guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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