she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
