After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
