Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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