It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
