...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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