Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
