But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
