It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
