Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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