it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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