Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
