From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
