At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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