I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
