She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if only i could text you this smell
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
