haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
