He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
