she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
