I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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