No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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