is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
