The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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