Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
