conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
