so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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