everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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