Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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