she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
