I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
