drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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