I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
