WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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