I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
