Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
