shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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