I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
