I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
