matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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