Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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