my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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