i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
