Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
