Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm too high and old for this...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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