She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
