oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
