Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
