my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
