it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
