if i can run in heels then i can drive
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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