Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
