My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
